Desires, intentions and actions.

I get in ruts a lot in life, times where I just do not know what to do next. This can be easily frustrating, but I choose not look at it in that way at all. I think ruts are a great thing and something we need in life. If we never get into ruts how will we ever desire anything more from ourselves and from our lives.

In life we have desires, intentions and actions. Many people say that talk is cheap but i think its a little more pricey then we tend to think. Never belittle desires, never belittle intentions, these are a must! It shows that we want more for ourselves and for who we choose to be everyday. Yes there is a time you need more then the want of change, but we must never belittle the desire and intention of it.

Eventually those intentions need to become actions, change is going to have to come into play. One day you are going to have to look at your life and say i have all these intentions and desires for myself that i need to and want to act on but what is holding me back? Eventually the question of do i love the thing that is holding me back more then i love God, or do i love God more. Its a hard question but one day you are going to have to look yourself in mirror and ask yourself just that. Galatians 1:10 it says Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Ok i am going to just put this out there, people suck at life. We judge just as much as we blink but the truth of the matter is that what we think is pointless, we only answer to one. One day you are going to have to face you maker and i don't want him to say, you loved, money more then me, you loved people more then me, you love sex more then me, you loved fun more then me, or you loved things more then me. I want him to look at me and say your love for my flourished through you everyday.

I find that when i choose to go my path in life rather then Gods things in my life tend to fall apart, maybe right away things work out but in the long run it tends to go to crap. God stops being my focus and my prayer life becomes less and less. The great thing is though when i choose Gods way its might be hard at first but it is always worth it. In the book i am reading call, "The Me I Wanna Be," it but it like this...

“The truth is, a life of freedom and joy is right now. My main job is to remain connected with God. When my primary focus is to remain present with him, everything else has a way of falling into place. When my primary focus becomes anything else, my inner vitality suffers, and I become a lesser version of myself.”

I think in other words God gives us a choice, a choice of instant satisfaction or a longing joy that can never be broken. God says i might not give you the things you want, but I will give you the things you need trust in me.

Is that scaring to think about, trusting God. Becoming more of what God intends you to be, does that thought make you uncomfortable? WELL GOOD! stop being comfortable and let lose, give yourself and opportunity to show Jesus that you trust him and in doing this people will see you and you will show them God through your actions. Benefitting others with your life is the whole purpose to your faith.

In 1 Peter 1:6-9 it say So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. ⁷ These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. ⁹ The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.

If you need some comfort here it is, Joy is coming your way when you trust God through the good bad and ugly. The greatest thing is that no matter what happens in trusting him you win, you get the ultimate goal. You trust God you get salvation and through trusting him this can benefit others salvation as well. In other words everything could go wrong but you still win, you get eternal life with the one who made you. Granted God wants you to be happy and i doubt everything would go wrong.

This is a process all of it but in time something amazing happens, we earnestly seek to be in his presence and our intentions become Gods intentions and His desires becomes our desires. Our actions begin to show Jesus and his love. We stop having to make hard choices and feel like we are giving up something. There comes a time where we ask ourselves is this "thing" going to benefit my faith or hinder it. When this happens decisions come easier and our faith begins to flourish. Things that use to matter don't anymore and things we use to want so badly seem well worthless to us. Eventually you love nothing more than you love God and in that moment you realize the true meaning of something.....Grace.

How do you respond

Haven't wrote in here for a long time but I have had a constant statement caught in my head for the past two weeks. It was something my good friend told me about, "how do you respond." This can be taking a lot of different ways but for what is going on in my life I took it like this. Life is filled with actions and response, situations and responses, struggles and responses, tasks and responses, circumstances and responses; its filled with stuff in our lives and responses. The key word in all of this statements is responses. How you respond in things that God places in our life is so important. SO how do you respond?

God's Will is going to be done, whether we like it or not. How do you respond? God is going to call us to to do hard things, how do you respond? God is going to give us blessings and joys, how do you respond? God is going to let trials happen to you, how do you respond? I could go on and on, the point is our response makes us who we are and it also in ways shows who we really are. one of my favorite quotes is from one tree hill, "Because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side...of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life had." I know that One tree hill doesn't have all the answer but i think they have a point with this quote. God uses stuff all the time to shape us, frame us and sculpt us to who he intends us to be little by little. How do you respond?

There are going to be times where God is going to call you to do something hard, something where you are going to trust him and rely on him. Are you going to fold under the pressure, let fear over come you or trust him. There will be times i fall but thats ok because there is a benefit to trust him. 1Peter 1:8-9. states, You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls. At the end of the day we trust him and thats all we do, well heck look at that, we have salvation and joy. Thats not too bad if you ask me. So again how do you respond?

The beauty of all of this is God is constant, and he will never let you down. He assures us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 saying, All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He'll never let you be pushed past your limit; He'll always be there to help you come through it. If there is one thing that God is, it is constant so we know we can always rely on him. How do you respond?

In James 1 :2-4 it states, consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Now looking at my hard times, trails and struggles in this light it makes me response all the important. Again, how do you respond?

So after look at all this, how i respond is more important than i could have ever known. Also if i know one thing its this, I know that God has nothing but greatness laid in front of me. So why i would i ever choose to respond any other way then a way that would make me better for Jesus or make this world better for Jesus? The thing I need to remember is, my relationship with Jesus isn't for my benefit, it never was. So yet another reason why my response is so important. Our lives are so beneficial for God and his Kingdom, this is easily forgotten in our everyday but yet so important. How do you respond, i guess if i could choose to remember one thing with every respond it would be this, if Jesus isnt the reason what is the purpose? SO one last time, How do you respond?

Romans 12 (message)

Place Your Life Before God

^1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

³I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

^4-6In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

^6-8If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

^9-10Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

^11-13Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

^14-16Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

^17-19Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

^20-21Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

Psalms 13

¹ How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

³ Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

⁴ my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

⁶ I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

I Hope to be sharing this with my basketball team here in the near future. God has really put it on my heart. Our team has and continues to be going through tough a season. But what i want to communicated with my team is that God has not turned his back on us. it is actually the complete opposite, he is using these tough times for these tough times to shape us to the people he intends us to be.

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

What i also want to share with my team is that there is so much more to life then basketball. It is such a huge part of our lives, so when it is going bad it can feel like everything is going bad. We continually forget that we have so many things to be thankful for, we have so many things that we must find joy in. There is such a difference between happiness and joy. We must strive for joy and hope for happiness. happiness is circumstantial, but joy now thats something that is always there.

watch the youtube video below and you will see just how much you have to be thankful for and where joy can come from.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7Bz_EwHs_Q

Striving for greatness

Lately i have been doing some serious thinking at random times, like in the shower, during practice when i should be listening, night class. I have been thinking about how everyday people are striving for greatness in some sort of way. Things such as sports, school, looks, there body, and so much more. So again i have been thinking, what do i want to strive for greatness in, and after a lot of thought i have chosen relationships. I just feel like i want to be a great friend, a better daughter, someday a good wife and most importantly I need/want to be a better child of God. All those relationships are so important. I want to strive for greatness in something important, something that bigger then me, and honestly i can not think of any better way to do it. So where do i go from here? I pray and I pray. I pray for the courage, the selflessness, the awareness, and just the ability to be better in my relationships.

It all starts and ends with Love, when all false, we just gotta love people, and let people love us.

my life

By your side, by tenth avenue north

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life


Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

.....

trying to find my way

Pictures from Haiti

Here is a little video slide show i put together of my past three trips.

Words from a friend.

I always want to blog about haiti but i can never find the words. So i am going to borrow what my friend wrote because I think she did a great job explaining it....

God’s love is abundant enough for every man, woman and child on this Earth, spreading as far as the eye can see, and even further. His love reaches all the way from the US full of the rich and famous, all the way to Haiti full of poverty and sickness.

You will never know the feeling of seeing the hope of Jesus Christ in the eyes of a starving Haitian child, unless you see it yourself. It really makes you wonder what you are really living for. Now at home, as some have said before, my heart truly aches to go back to Haiti. To see Jesus everyday through people who have nothing, and I literally mean nothing. When you don’t have the distractions of everyday life you really get the opportunity to think about your relationships. Your relationships with the people that you miss back at home, the people that you have to spend the next nine days with, your family and friends. But mostly it opens your eyes to your relationship with Christ. I feel more connected to Christ in Haiti then I ever have in my entire life. Every night during devos I can feel Him speaking to me, and in the mornings waking up to people talking loudly doesn’t even matter. Because stepping out that door is literally walking into a living Hell. Everyone forgets his or her differences, disputes, and annoyances when it really mattered. We all worked together to do something much bigger than ourselves. We went out to share the love of Christ to people, and some of them could have probably given us some pointers.

I feel an overwhelming sense of longing for Haiti, to go back, to be with the people. I feel like God is telling me what I need to do, through all the images that I constantly see in my head of the kids who have red hair from worms, and the kids who have yellow jaundiced eyes. I can’t stop the thoughts of the kids living by themselves in a hut, because both of their parents died, or the thoughts of the mothers who have to watch their babies die because they caught pneumonia from the cold and rain. I still remember freshly in my mind about the little boy who ran up to me with his younger sister on his hip and pointed to my feet and then to his little sisters feet. He could have been up with all the other kids his age getting candy and small toys, but instead he was asking for things for his baby sister.

It really makes me wonder what kind of person I am.

I know for a fact that if I were a seven or eight year old Haitian child I would be up there getting candy for myself. Just recently I actually pushed a young girl out of the way, at a wedding, to catch the bouquet, and I didn’t even end up catching it. I don’t think I ever realized how greedy I am, and I don’t think that I will ever realize how greedy I will always be.

Until you are put into a situation like the Haiti teams are put into every year, you will never fully understand the feelings and emotions that continue to run through our minds, even after we go home. Here I am on the 28th of July, 22 days after we left our homes to go to Haiti, and 14 days since we have gotten back from Haiti, and I still feel like I’m there. I may not be there physically, but everyday I am there. I pray daily that God helps us keep these feelings and memories for the rest of our lives, and that we never forget the bonds that we have made while we were there.

I know that this sounds corny, but I have left my heart in Haiti, and this time I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back. I left it with the older woman who dropped to her knees in prayer and raised her hands into the air thanking Jesus for his gift of clean water. And I left my heart with little boy, whose sister I gave a pair of flip-flops that were way too big. And I left my heart with all the little children who would act all cute and nice and give me hugs, and then ask for “one sweet.” I will never be able to, even if I tried, be able to forget what I have seen, felt, and learned on my trips, and yes I will say it again, I have left my heart in Haiti.

That my friend is my, my good friend Kelsy. I hope now you can see why i have such a huge passion for this place.

true confessions

I am a chronic worrier, yup finally said it.

God is doing some good things to help me through it and realize it.

Man he is something :)

finals week

Its finals week knowing i have to get through 5 finals i turn music as my best friend this week. Two songs will be constantly played this week.

All I can say by David Crowder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmIZOd5AXmQ

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, that's my everything

Lord didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now, i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

And this is all
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
everything...

And

Sound of Your Voice
By:Lauren Strahm
http://vimeo.com/4541322

I will wait for You to move today
I will wait for You to move in this place
I lay my burdens at Your throne
Here in our secret place, we're all alone

Chorus:
Standing firm, I will not be shaken
Stir it up, in my heart awaken
A desire for You
My heart is Yours
Forever, only Yours

I will wait for You to speak today
I will wait for You to speak in this place
I fall before You at Your throne
To hear Your whisper now, we're all alone

Bridge:
At the sound of Your voice
At the sound of Your voice
At the sound of Your voice
I will be silent

Heaven cries Your mercy reigns

Listen to them, they are slowly changing my life
be home soon :)

four weeks...

I have four weeks, well actually less than that till i am done with my freshman year of college. wow such a crazy feeling to look back on my first year, such a rollercoster. looking back on how i have changed and who i have become i am defanitly in a total different place then i ever thought i would be right now. I am so different, yes some good, some bad but mostly i just feel like i am actually growing up. I am nervous for when i go home this summer, i am going back to a place that is expecting someone i am not anymore, its a werid feeling knowing that people dont know you anymore. I guess we shall see what happens, guess we will have to get to know eachother again.

4 weeks....

Fight for your happiness

This week I have talked to a lot of people about being happy, being at spring spring arbor and about their lives. Although i am with people on their feelings of not being happy here i am trying to have a different attitude about this situation. In high school i had a friend who was so unhappy, she was so unhappy to the point that she did things that i do not agree with. I could never understand how she could feel that way, and since that friendship i have had the mentality that in life we have to fight for our happiness. It is not always going to come to you, in life you gotta be a fighter. Lately I have had to be a fighter and its working, I am happy. I may not love it here at the arbor, but i have some really good friendships come my way lately. I have also seen some of my really good friends a lot lately as well. I also got a new tat! I am going to continue fighting because that what i need to do, and that what i want to do. So if you read this, which i do not think a lot of people do remember this.... Be a fighter, fight for happiness because you do have some control! Live your life and love your life because if you dont find joy in the little things, you are not a fighter!


Love

Who

Who are your people?
Who is going to fight for you?
Who is going to be there when you have no one?
Who knows you better than you know yourself?
Who is going to love you even when you feel unlovable?
Who is going to know when you need that hug?
Who is going to see behind that smile?
Who is going to actually give a shit and not just say they do?
Who makes you laugh?
Who can you cry with?
Who can you be more real with than anyone?
Who supports you in everything?
Who has your back?
Who makes you a better person?
?

Surely we can by david crowder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuV5btFoZas

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit

And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change

lately...

Today I was listening to music and well you know pondering life, i do that sometimes. Well i was just thinking about some past decisions i have made, and well i hate not knowing i made the right choice or not. lately i have been second guessing a lot, guess we will just have to wait and see...

....overwhelmed

Last night i was reunited with six of my best friends, it was the first time we had all be together since the summer. It was such an amazing time to finally be with them again. I am such a lucky person for being able to have such amazing relationships in my life. They are my than just my friends, they are my mentors, they have been there for me through so many things. Shoot they got me through high school haha. While i was sitting there talking with them i became so overwhelmed with my life. It was the first time i got to slow down and just look at what has happened of in my life recenty. I am done with my first semester of college and it is so much different then i thought it was going to be, its a lot harder. This semester Basketball has been hard, decisions have been hard and i am still dealing with those decisions because they are killing me. Friendships have been hard, being away from them and new ones.

With these challenges i am growing up so much and God is using these experiences to slap me in the face. I need him, there is no other way to put it. I need God more than i have ever needed him in my life. I am growing up and it is hard, its shouldn't be easy. I dont have those friends 15 mins up the road anymore, i am on my own and i guess you never really know how good you had it till it is gone. I am just really lucky that i had those people in my life for as long as i did. They taught me so much and they are still teaching me so much. Through all this, I love how much i am growing up. I am a lot and it is an amazing thing to be able to feel God loving you through the struggle. SO GREAT! I am getting a break for a little while, i am going to use this time to ust reflect and rengergize for next semester.

I want more of you and less of me Jesus...

I never really know how to start these things...

I am sitting in the lobby right now with a lot of people around me but i am just listening to worship music by my lonesome. I am listening to Empty by Jeremy Camp and it is making a lot sense. There is one verse says "Holy Fire burn away, my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me, I want more of you and less of me, yeah. Empty me, Empty me, yeah, Fill, won't you fill me, with you, with you, yeah."

As i listen to this song and the words i cant help but think about how i have been living my life. If i am being honest right now if you asked me how basketball was going i would probably swear at you, it sucks. I am feeling totally chipped about the situation and my coach said some stuff that made me feel like i am just good for a laugh and that is about it. Its just hard to know what you deserve and not to get it. So what is my reaction to this? Its not fair, why is this happening, why play if this is happening?

My answer to question i keep asking myself is what i heard in church today. In all things good or bad, God uses them for good. God is going to use this struggle, unfairness and embarrassment for good in someway. He will love me through it like he has been and i am going to make it. I am going to be even more close to him after and i know someway somehow he is using this experience for good. Doesnt make much sense now but God's got my back and when i look back i know i will smile about it.

Until then i look at tomorrow and say its going to be a great day. I have amazing friends, amazing teammates, amazing family, i can walk, i have everything and more then i could ever need and ask for, and most of all i have an amazing God and his unfailing love.

To be quit honest i could quit, i could take the easy way out, but i dont think that would be of God's will. I think he wants me on that team right now, i think he wants to love on my teammates with all i have, and if that is what he wants of me, i am going to do as best as i can. And i do love those girls with everything i am and would do anything for them, and i think God has a lot to do with that. But is it hard to sit on the bench, get the water all the time, cheer on, never see the floor and sing worship songs so i can get through the game with smile yes.....but i will keep doing because thats what God wants me to...

As Lauren Wojcik would say.."enjoy the struggle."

good weekend

I must say being able to go to TWL this weekend with pretty much all my best friends was amazing and very needed. God loves me so much, he has given me such great friends. Like they are all blessings and this weekend i feel like i realized how much i miss them and how great they have been to me. It made it really hard to come back to school i must say.

I asked God a lot of questions this weekend and i prayed a lot. I basically told him how i felt about a big question i had in my life. I told him what i felt him calling me to do and that was what i was going to do unless he told me very clearly to do something different.

prayin for clarity and you know what i think i am getting it...

Getting lost...

Ok...I am really really bad at directions, I could get lost going to somewhere that I have been many times. I am just that smart, if i accumulated all the money that i have wasted in gas i would have a small fortune, seriously.

BUT

The point of this is tonight i got lost on the way back to school but something was different this time. I would usally just freak out call my dad all histerical, but this time I just keep going. Although it took me a long time to get back to school, and i did have to back track many times, I found my way.

Ok I know this is typical, but this was a real God moment for me. I am in a point in my life that i somewhat know the destination for my life, going into some kind of ministry. The thing is, I honestly have no idea how i am going to get there, but i am ok with it and i am just going to keep going...