I have four weeks, well actually less than that till i am done with my freshman year of college. wow such a crazy feeling to look back on my first year, such a rollercoster. looking back on how i have changed and who i have become i am defanitly in a total different place then i ever thought i would be right now. I am so different, yes some good, some bad but mostly i just feel like i am actually growing up. I am nervous for when i go home this summer, i am going back to a place that is expecting someone i am not anymore, its a werid feeling knowing that people dont know you anymore. I guess we shall see what happens, guess we will have to get to know eachother again.
4 weeks....
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Fight for your happiness
This week I have talked to a lot of people about being happy, being at spring spring arbor and about their lives. Although i am with people on their feelings of not being happy here i am trying to have a different attitude about this situation. In high school i had a friend who was so unhappy, she was so unhappy to the point that she did things that i do not agree with. I could never understand how she could feel that way, and since that friendship i have had the mentality that in life we have to fight for our happiness. It is not always going to come to you, in life you gotta be a fighter. Lately I have had to be a fighter and its working, I am happy. I may not love it here at the arbor, but i have some really good friendships come my way lately. I have also seen some of my really good friends a lot lately as well. I also got a new tat! I am going to continue fighting because that what i need to do, and that what i want to do. So if you read this, which i do not think a lot of people do remember this.... Be a fighter, fight for happiness because you do have some control! Live your life and love your life because if you dont find joy in the little things, you are not a fighter!
Love
Love
Friday, March 27, 2009
Who
Who are your people?
Who is going to fight for you?
Who is going to be there when you have no one?
Who knows you better than you know yourself?
Who is going to love you even when you feel unlovable?
Who is going to know when you need that hug?
Who is going to see behind that smile?
Who is going to actually give a shit and not just say they do?
Who makes you laugh?
Who can you cry with?
Who can you be more real with than anyone?
Who supports you in everything?
Who has your back?
Who makes you a better person?
?
Who is going to fight for you?
Who is going to be there when you have no one?
Who knows you better than you know yourself?
Who is going to love you even when you feel unlovable?
Who is going to know when you need that hug?
Who is going to see behind that smile?
Who is going to actually give a shit and not just say they do?
Who makes you laugh?
Who can you cry with?
Who can you be more real with than anyone?
Who supports you in everything?
Who has your back?
Who makes you a better person?
?
Friday, February 20, 2009
Surely we can by david crowder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuV5btFoZas
And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit
And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something
And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything
Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something
Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change
And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit
And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something
And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything
Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something
Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
lately...
Today I was listening to music and well you know pondering life, i do that sometimes. Well i was just thinking about some past decisions i have made, and well i hate not knowing i made the right choice or not. lately i have been second guessing a lot, guess we will just have to wait and see...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
....overwhelmed
Last night i was reunited with six of my best friends, it was the first time we had all be together since the summer. It was such an amazing time to finally be with them again. I am such a lucky person for being able to have such amazing relationships in my life. They are my than just my friends, they are my mentors, they have been there for me through so many things. Shoot they got me through high school haha. While i was sitting there talking with them i became so overwhelmed with my life. It was the first time i got to slow down and just look at what has happened of in my life recenty. I am done with my first semester of college and it is so much different then i thought it was going to be, its a lot harder. This semester Basketball has been hard, decisions have been hard and i am still dealing with those decisions because they are killing me. Friendships have been hard, being away from them and new ones.
With these challenges i am growing up so much and God is using these experiences to slap me in the face. I need him, there is no other way to put it. I need God more than i have ever needed him in my life. I am growing up and it is hard, its shouldn't be easy. I dont have those friends 15 mins up the road anymore, i am on my own and i guess you never really know how good you had it till it is gone. I am just really lucky that i had those people in my life for as long as i did. They taught me so much and they are still teaching me so much. Through all this, I love how much i am growing up. I am a lot and it is an amazing thing to be able to feel God loving you through the struggle. SO GREAT! I am getting a break for a little while, i am going to use this time to ust reflect and rengergize for next semester.
With these challenges i am growing up so much and God is using these experiences to slap me in the face. I need him, there is no other way to put it. I need God more than i have ever needed him in my life. I am growing up and it is hard, its shouldn't be easy. I dont have those friends 15 mins up the road anymore, i am on my own and i guess you never really know how good you had it till it is gone. I am just really lucky that i had those people in my life for as long as i did. They taught me so much and they are still teaching me so much. Through all this, I love how much i am growing up. I am a lot and it is an amazing thing to be able to feel God loving you through the struggle. SO GREAT! I am getting a break for a little while, i am going to use this time to ust reflect and rengergize for next semester.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I want more of you and less of me Jesus...
I never really know how to start these things...
I am sitting in the lobby right now with a lot of people around me but i am just listening to worship music by my lonesome. I am listening to Empty by Jeremy Camp and it is making a lot sense. There is one verse says "Holy Fire burn away, my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me, I want more of you and less of me, yeah. Empty me, Empty me, yeah, Fill, won't you fill me, with you, with you, yeah."
As i listen to this song and the words i cant help but think about how i have been living my life. If i am being honest right now if you asked me how basketball was going i would probably swear at you, it sucks. I am feeling totally chipped about the situation and my coach said some stuff that made me feel like i am just good for a laugh and that is about it. Its just hard to know what you deserve and not to get it. So what is my reaction to this? Its not fair, why is this happening, why play if this is happening?
My answer to question i keep asking myself is what i heard in church today. In all things good or bad, God uses them for good. God is going to use this struggle, unfairness and embarrassment for good in someway. He will love me through it like he has been and i am going to make it. I am going to be even more close to him after and i know someway somehow he is using this experience for good. Doesnt make much sense now but God's got my back and when i look back i know i will smile about it.
Until then i look at tomorrow and say its going to be a great day. I have amazing friends, amazing teammates, amazing family, i can walk, i have everything and more then i could ever need and ask for, and most of all i have an amazing God and his unfailing love.
To be quit honest i could quit, i could take the easy way out, but i dont think that would be of God's will. I think he wants me on that team right now, i think he wants to love on my teammates with all i have, and if that is what he wants of me, i am going to do as best as i can. And i do love those girls with everything i am and would do anything for them, and i think God has a lot to do with that. But is it hard to sit on the bench, get the water all the time, cheer on, never see the floor and sing worship songs so i can get through the game with smile yes.....but i will keep doing because thats what God wants me to...
As Lauren Wojcik would say.."enjoy the struggle."
I am sitting in the lobby right now with a lot of people around me but i am just listening to worship music by my lonesome. I am listening to Empty by Jeremy Camp and it is making a lot sense. There is one verse says "Holy Fire burn away, my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me, I want more of you and less of me, yeah. Empty me, Empty me, yeah, Fill, won't you fill me, with you, with you, yeah."
As i listen to this song and the words i cant help but think about how i have been living my life. If i am being honest right now if you asked me how basketball was going i would probably swear at you, it sucks. I am feeling totally chipped about the situation and my coach said some stuff that made me feel like i am just good for a laugh and that is about it. Its just hard to know what you deserve and not to get it. So what is my reaction to this? Its not fair, why is this happening, why play if this is happening?
My answer to question i keep asking myself is what i heard in church today. In all things good or bad, God uses them for good. God is going to use this struggle, unfairness and embarrassment for good in someway. He will love me through it like he has been and i am going to make it. I am going to be even more close to him after and i know someway somehow he is using this experience for good. Doesnt make much sense now but God's got my back and when i look back i know i will smile about it.
Until then i look at tomorrow and say its going to be a great day. I have amazing friends, amazing teammates, amazing family, i can walk, i have everything and more then i could ever need and ask for, and most of all i have an amazing God and his unfailing love.
To be quit honest i could quit, i could take the easy way out, but i dont think that would be of God's will. I think he wants me on that team right now, i think he wants to love on my teammates with all i have, and if that is what he wants of me, i am going to do as best as i can. And i do love those girls with everything i am and would do anything for them, and i think God has a lot to do with that. But is it hard to sit on the bench, get the water all the time, cheer on, never see the floor and sing worship songs so i can get through the game with smile yes.....but i will keep doing because thats what God wants me to...
As Lauren Wojcik would say.."enjoy the struggle."
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