I want more of you and less of me Jesus...

I never really know how to start these things...

I am sitting in the lobby right now with a lot of people around me but i am just listening to worship music by my lonesome. I am listening to Empty by Jeremy Camp and it is making a lot sense. There is one verse says "Holy Fire burn away, my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me, I want more of you and less of me, yeah. Empty me, Empty me, yeah, Fill, won't you fill me, with you, with you, yeah."

As i listen to this song and the words i cant help but think about how i have been living my life. If i am being honest right now if you asked me how basketball was going i would probably swear at you, it sucks. I am feeling totally chipped about the situation and my coach said some stuff that made me feel like i am just good for a laugh and that is about it. Its just hard to know what you deserve and not to get it. So what is my reaction to this? Its not fair, why is this happening, why play if this is happening?

My answer to question i keep asking myself is what i heard in church today. In all things good or bad, God uses them for good. God is going to use this struggle, unfairness and embarrassment for good in someway. He will love me through it like he has been and i am going to make it. I am going to be even more close to him after and i know someway somehow he is using this experience for good. Doesnt make much sense now but God's got my back and when i look back i know i will smile about it.

Until then i look at tomorrow and say its going to be a great day. I have amazing friends, amazing teammates, amazing family, i can walk, i have everything and more then i could ever need and ask for, and most of all i have an amazing God and his unfailing love.

To be quit honest i could quit, i could take the easy way out, but i dont think that would be of God's will. I think he wants me on that team right now, i think he wants to love on my teammates with all i have, and if that is what he wants of me, i am going to do as best as i can. And i do love those girls with everything i am and would do anything for them, and i think God has a lot to do with that. But is it hard to sit on the bench, get the water all the time, cheer on, never see the floor and sing worship songs so i can get through the game with smile yes.....but i will keep doing because thats what God wants me to...

As Lauren Wojcik would say.."enjoy the struggle."

good weekend

I must say being able to go to TWL this weekend with pretty much all my best friends was amazing and very needed. God loves me so much, he has given me such great friends. Like they are all blessings and this weekend i feel like i realized how much i miss them and how great they have been to me. It made it really hard to come back to school i must say.

I asked God a lot of questions this weekend and i prayed a lot. I basically told him how i felt about a big question i had in my life. I told him what i felt him calling me to do and that was what i was going to do unless he told me very clearly to do something different.

prayin for clarity and you know what i think i am getting it...

Getting lost...

Ok...I am really really bad at directions, I could get lost going to somewhere that I have been many times. I am just that smart, if i accumulated all the money that i have wasted in gas i would have a small fortune, seriously.

BUT

The point of this is tonight i got lost on the way back to school but something was different this time. I would usally just freak out call my dad all histerical, but this time I just keep going. Although it took me a long time to get back to school, and i did have to back track many times, I found my way.

Ok I know this is typical, but this was a real God moment for me. I am in a point in my life that i somewhat know the destination for my life, going into some kind of ministry. The thing is, I honestly have no idea how i am going to get there, but i am ok with it and i am just going to keep going...