Striving for greatness

Lately i have been doing some serious thinking at random times, like in the shower, during practice when i should be listening, night class. I have been thinking about how everyday people are striving for greatness in some sort of way. Things such as sports, school, looks, there body, and so much more. So again i have been thinking, what do i want to strive for greatness in, and after a lot of thought i have chosen relationships. I just feel like i want to be a great friend, a better daughter, someday a good wife and most importantly I need/want to be a better child of God. All those relationships are so important. I want to strive for greatness in something important, something that bigger then me, and honestly i can not think of any better way to do it. So where do i go from here? I pray and I pray. I pray for the courage, the selflessness, the awareness, and just the ability to be better in my relationships.

It all starts and ends with Love, when all false, we just gotta love people, and let people love us.

my life

By your side, by tenth avenue north

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life


Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

.....

trying to find my way

Pictures from Haiti

Here is a little video slide show i put together of my past three trips.

Words from a friend.

I always want to blog about haiti but i can never find the words. So i am going to borrow what my friend wrote because I think she did a great job explaining it....

God’s love is abundant enough for every man, woman and child on this Earth, spreading as far as the eye can see, and even further. His love reaches all the way from the US full of the rich and famous, all the way to Haiti full of poverty and sickness.

You will never know the feeling of seeing the hope of Jesus Christ in the eyes of a starving Haitian child, unless you see it yourself. It really makes you wonder what you are really living for. Now at home, as some have said before, my heart truly aches to go back to Haiti. To see Jesus everyday through people who have nothing, and I literally mean nothing. When you don’t have the distractions of everyday life you really get the opportunity to think about your relationships. Your relationships with the people that you miss back at home, the people that you have to spend the next nine days with, your family and friends. But mostly it opens your eyes to your relationship with Christ. I feel more connected to Christ in Haiti then I ever have in my entire life. Every night during devos I can feel Him speaking to me, and in the mornings waking up to people talking loudly doesn’t even matter. Because stepping out that door is literally walking into a living Hell. Everyone forgets his or her differences, disputes, and annoyances when it really mattered. We all worked together to do something much bigger than ourselves. We went out to share the love of Christ to people, and some of them could have probably given us some pointers.

I feel an overwhelming sense of longing for Haiti, to go back, to be with the people. I feel like God is telling me what I need to do, through all the images that I constantly see in my head of the kids who have red hair from worms, and the kids who have yellow jaundiced eyes. I can’t stop the thoughts of the kids living by themselves in a hut, because both of their parents died, or the thoughts of the mothers who have to watch their babies die because they caught pneumonia from the cold and rain. I still remember freshly in my mind about the little boy who ran up to me with his younger sister on his hip and pointed to my feet and then to his little sisters feet. He could have been up with all the other kids his age getting candy and small toys, but instead he was asking for things for his baby sister.

It really makes me wonder what kind of person I am.

I know for a fact that if I were a seven or eight year old Haitian child I would be up there getting candy for myself. Just recently I actually pushed a young girl out of the way, at a wedding, to catch the bouquet, and I didn’t even end up catching it. I don’t think I ever realized how greedy I am, and I don’t think that I will ever realize how greedy I will always be.

Until you are put into a situation like the Haiti teams are put into every year, you will never fully understand the feelings and emotions that continue to run through our minds, even after we go home. Here I am on the 28th of July, 22 days after we left our homes to go to Haiti, and 14 days since we have gotten back from Haiti, and I still feel like I’m there. I may not be there physically, but everyday I am there. I pray daily that God helps us keep these feelings and memories for the rest of our lives, and that we never forget the bonds that we have made while we were there.

I know that this sounds corny, but I have left my heart in Haiti, and this time I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back. I left it with the older woman who dropped to her knees in prayer and raised her hands into the air thanking Jesus for his gift of clean water. And I left my heart with little boy, whose sister I gave a pair of flip-flops that were way too big. And I left my heart with all the little children who would act all cute and nice and give me hugs, and then ask for “one sweet.” I will never be able to, even if I tried, be able to forget what I have seen, felt, and learned on my trips, and yes I will say it again, I have left my heart in Haiti.

That my friend is my, my good friend Kelsy. I hope now you can see why i have such a huge passion for this place.

true confessions

I am a chronic worrier, yup finally said it.

God is doing some good things to help me through it and realize it.

Man he is something :)

finals week

Its finals week knowing i have to get through 5 finals i turn music as my best friend this week. Two songs will be constantly played this week.

All I can say by David Crowder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmIZOd5AXmQ

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, that's my everything

Lord didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now, i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

And this is all
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
everything...

And

Sound of Your Voice
By:Lauren Strahm
http://vimeo.com/4541322

I will wait for You to move today
I will wait for You to move in this place
I lay my burdens at Your throne
Here in our secret place, we're all alone

Chorus:
Standing firm, I will not be shaken
Stir it up, in my heart awaken
A desire for You
My heart is Yours
Forever, only Yours

I will wait for You to speak today
I will wait for You to speak in this place
I fall before You at Your throne
To hear Your whisper now, we're all alone

Bridge:
At the sound of Your voice
At the sound of Your voice
At the sound of Your voice
I will be silent

Heaven cries Your mercy reigns

Listen to them, they are slowly changing my life
be home soon :)

four weeks...

I have four weeks, well actually less than that till i am done with my freshman year of college. wow such a crazy feeling to look back on my first year, such a rollercoster. looking back on how i have changed and who i have become i am defanitly in a total different place then i ever thought i would be right now. I am so different, yes some good, some bad but mostly i just feel like i am actually growing up. I am nervous for when i go home this summer, i am going back to a place that is expecting someone i am not anymore, its a werid feeling knowing that people dont know you anymore. I guess we shall see what happens, guess we will have to get to know eachother again.

4 weeks....

Fight for your happiness

This week I have talked to a lot of people about being happy, being at spring spring arbor and about their lives. Although i am with people on their feelings of not being happy here i am trying to have a different attitude about this situation. In high school i had a friend who was so unhappy, she was so unhappy to the point that she did things that i do not agree with. I could never understand how she could feel that way, and since that friendship i have had the mentality that in life we have to fight for our happiness. It is not always going to come to you, in life you gotta be a fighter. Lately I have had to be a fighter and its working, I am happy. I may not love it here at the arbor, but i have some really good friendships come my way lately. I have also seen some of my really good friends a lot lately as well. I also got a new tat! I am going to continue fighting because that what i need to do, and that what i want to do. So if you read this, which i do not think a lot of people do remember this.... Be a fighter, fight for happiness because you do have some control! Live your life and love your life because if you dont find joy in the little things, you are not a fighter!


Love

Who

Who are your people?
Who is going to fight for you?
Who is going to be there when you have no one?
Who knows you better than you know yourself?
Who is going to love you even when you feel unlovable?
Who is going to know when you need that hug?
Who is going to see behind that smile?
Who is going to actually give a shit and not just say they do?
Who makes you laugh?
Who can you cry with?
Who can you be more real with than anyone?
Who supports you in everything?
Who has your back?
Who makes you a better person?
?

Surely we can by david crowder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuV5btFoZas

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit

And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change

lately...

Today I was listening to music and well you know pondering life, i do that sometimes. Well i was just thinking about some past decisions i have made, and well i hate not knowing i made the right choice or not. lately i have been second guessing a lot, guess we will just have to wait and see...